Two Of A Kind Abominable
By Terry Hazlett
Tis a strange twist of fate indeed.
John Travolta and Olivia Newton-John, who teamed for “Grease,” the most successful musical of the 70s, have reunited for what likely will be one of the major box office flops of the 80s.
“Two Of A Kind” isn’t just a bad movie, it’s a grossly blatant attempt to lure the “Grease” fans back into the theater to see what else John and Olivia can do The answer is precious little.
To be sure, the highly publicized bedroom scene is included. but there isn’t any frontal nudity. Or back nudity either. For that matter, the only thing bared on screen is Travolta’s chest and John Herzfeld’s inability to direct.
It‘s true that John and Olivia make a cute, charismatic screen couple; like Tracy-Hepburn, Hudson-Day and Eastwood-Locke. It’s always obvious these actors like each other off screen. too. But the scenes of them making googly eyes and gulping drinks is worth maybe three Christmasy-type smiles.
The rest of the movie is an abomination, almost totally because of Herzfeld’s lack of control and imagination, and an impossible script that is a messy collision of “Heaven Can Wait” and “SWAT.”
Travolta plays a whimsical inventor who has to steal $13,464 to pay off two loan sharks. Disguised in unmatched long wig and mustache, he approaches bank teller Newton-John and demands that exact amount.(You’re supposed to laugh here - it‘s one of the movies funnier bits). Olivia gives him what he deserves, bits of paper in a bag, and steals the money herself.
Meanwhile, up in heaven, guardian angels Seatman Crothers, Charles Durning, Beatrice Straight and Castulo Guerra are playing golf while God is on a break. He comes back from a 25-year rest in a mean mood, and threatens to flood the world again. (He promised He wouldn’t, but then says, He’s God, He can change His mind.)
The quartet of angels doth pretest, and God gives them a week to turn Travolta and Newton-John into nice people to prove that mankind is worthy saving. Back on earth again. Travolta, flung from a moving vehicle while being chased by the loan sharks, is about to land on Olivia and end both of their lives. Thank God - literally - for the freeze frame. In an instant, the film is rolled back and Crothers, cleverly disguised as a bus driver, diverts the loan sharks. John and Olivia live, and begin re-Greasing their lives.
Neither sings on-camera. but Olivia gets in “Twist Of Fate” over one of those sickenly sweet montages of blooming love (when scriptwriters can’t write, they scribble down montage and the director ad libs).
Supposedly, Olivia and John sing a duet too, but it’s so far in the background you’ll never hear it. Ditto for songs by a half dozen other artists, who, no doubt, contributed more for the rewards of the soundtrack album than for the movie.
Movie is actually too nice a word to describe “Two Of A Kind “ like our peeping Tom guardian angels, the audience is subjected to more of a peep show than a real film. Despite the script, everyone on screen and in the theater seems more interested in what the couple will do to advance their love life than to redeem themselves — and mankind. The concocted redemption scene is so out-of-sync with the rest of the film that it’s totally unbelievable.
The production is about as good as a script. A washed-out film, used to give Heaven a cloudy, unreal effect, instead comes across simply as cheap film. And the decor of both TravoIta’s and Newton-John‘s apartments is so slovenly it unintentionally makes them two of it kind before they formally meet each other.
What’s really amazing, though, is watching talented people such as Travolta, Durning, Straight and Oliver Reed (he’s the flamboyant devil) appear in such drivel. Didn’t they read the script? Perhaps more importantly, was there a script? Money talks, but it must have screamed here. No one can be that desperate.
It must be admitted that both John and Olivia seem to be having fun. Unfortunately, it’s seldom interesting watching others have fun while you’re bored to tears. And that’s as apt a description as any of “Two Of A Kind.”
Rating - 1 and a half stars